God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's never too late to be topless.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
