I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
