i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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