Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
