since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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