smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
