Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
