I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
