it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
