I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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