How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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