I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
