no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
