I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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