I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They have beer where we have blood.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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