WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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