The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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