it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
