Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
