just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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