Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
