What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
