Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
