i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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