I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Me. At least after what I've been through.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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