I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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