If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
