I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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