It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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