dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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