Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
