He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
