What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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