dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
