She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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