god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
