I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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