Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
