people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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