I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
