70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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