I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
