the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
