I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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