yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
