fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
