I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
God I need to hump something, right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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