yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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