i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
