i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
