You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
