I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
