why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can text with my tongue
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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