Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
