i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
