quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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