She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
