you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
