It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
