I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
